Sorry for the long silence, I have been very busy running after the smallest little crazy person on earth. And trying to consume my body weight in wine to make it all better. Jesus, have a toddler, I am more tired now than I have ever been. I feel old and frail most of the time and I want to just lie in a cocoon drinking buckets of wine, shoving fists full of bacon in my mouth while watching a minimum of 1 hour of uninterrupted tv. I mean, since Isla was born we have managed to watch half of Mad Max, that it, and it was about 5 months ago. Now it’s all about Twirlywoos and Teletubbies. I wake up singing these dumb cbeebies songs. I have caught myself watching Dinopaws when I have a minute to myself. What’s happening to meeeeeee?
I have become a clumsy human cartoon, I have literally rolled down the path outside on a piece of giant chalk, like I am a rollerskating bloody Fred Flintstone. I had just had my Mothers Day pedi and all I could see for days were these heartbreaking little pink toenail marks outside the front door where my treat had been so violently removed from my freshly done toes. (While majestically rolling down the path my toes rolled under my foot- I am that talented at falling).
Just yesterday I went to drop the spawn at a play date. It was early and I decided to be brave and let the girls hang loose, I literally never do that, you are just asking for shit if you leave the house with no bra on. But, it was around the corner so I decided to just risk it. And what happens? This biscuit here managed to get my handbag tangled up in my indicator and steering wheel, I have no clue how I managed to do it. It pulled me and my bag right against the steering wheel, my boobs rammed against the hooter, my car swung to the right and I nearly ramped the pavement and landed in a restaurant. There was someone standing about 3cm away from my bonnet. God I am cringing at how it must have looked, this greasy hot mess twisted up in her handbag stuck against a bleating hooter. She must have thought I have been at the sauce at 8am (I was not).
So that’s what I have been up to, just general flusteredness and making a complete knob out of myself. But my child is amazing so it’s all worth it, really…